The Impetuous Duchess - Barbara Cartland.
Impetuous Duchess by Barbara Cartland.
The Impetuous Duchesse
by Barbara Cartland
(award winning and internationally famous).
The Duke of Axminster is travelling north to Scotland (snow, ice, winds – possibly dark and stormy) as he has recently discovered a medieval manuscript that links his blood line closer than he thought possible to the royal family. (How the other aristocrats had mocked his carpet background – well they won’t be laughing now, will they with his newly discovered links to the Bayeux Tapestry!).
He is journeying to share this information with the Earl Something of McClan. The Duke’s carriage stops at inn. Food – dreadful, footman complaining, discovers he has overpaid for everything. The Duke of Axminster (herein referred to as the DOA – but NOT to be known as dead on arrival) cries into his teddy-bear. Dear, Dear boy – given to him by his nanny, don’t you know! (err I could be possibly mixing this up with another novel I am reading). A pesky maid servant asks, very kindly M’Lord, if he would mind taking an old woman, whose conveyance has broken down, on to London. DOA would mind very much but must agree (The reader confused as thought he was going to Edinburgh). Still on with the plot.
Old woman in carriage sits in silence for hours (without requesting toilet break, strange). Still DOA peruses his manuscript and hugs teddy-bear - Dear, Dear boy. Suddenly the carriage slips on ice, old woman is jolted into his arms. It is REVEALED she is not an old biddy after all. No! she is fifteen, red hair, ivory skin, heart shaped face, waist narrower than her neck and has eyes the colour of the sea. Reader perplexed. What can this mean? grey, blue, green, oil pollution black? DOA perturbed. Most irregular.
DOA cross examines the imposter and discovers she is running away from tyrannical father, arranged marriage, old monstrous bore etc. Her name is Jacobina (ah the Stuarts what a mad impetuous family they are), but usually calls herself Jaberwocky. Begs to be taken to London to start her life anew. (But what of Edinburgh the breathless reader does not cry). Is this a novel by Fanny Burney demands DOA (No sir, unfortunately NOT!)
On their arrival in FRANCE (???) they discover to their vast surprise that unfortunately Napoleon is in charge and at war with the British. This makes things a bit DIFFICULT. Food is dreadful, chefs dirty and disorganised. All DOA’s servants very upset. ‘We don’t take to France Sir, not like dear England is it. Not very clean, etc.’ Reader’s note – servants spent some time complaining about Scotland – should BC include more ethnically aware staff?
DOA and Jaberwocky cross the country in increasingly chaotic circumstance. Second carriage containing servants actually tips over and it and all the staff are left behind. Our hero and heroine take refuge in an Inn. Inevitably the inn is dirty, food inedible, everything grimy. Only one room left. They must marry before they can take it. Room is soiled and has no lock, but it does have a four-poster bed that is ‘dressed in the French Manner’ (mind boggles). Jaberwocky lies on one side of bed, DOA takes the other with Teddy-Bear, Dear, Dear boy. Feather bolster down the middle. Jaberwocky frets that DOA does not twruly love her. We fear so, Jaberwocky, we fear so.
With the aid of a Compte de Villain, DOA and Jaberwocky escape by disguising themselves as peasants. (Reader confused – surely the French Revolution and the Terror was earlier?).
Once safely back in Blighty Jaberwocky fears that DOA will disown her and send her away to the country – with no money, house or servants, how tedious. Should she have married her father’s rich old bore after all and spared herself and us all of this? ANS. Yes!
(Reader’s Note – servants mysteriously replaced after previous set lost in France)
BUT fortunately, they are asked to a ball at Netherfield Park. They leave at once in a coach driven by the Duke’s last remaining coachman who is very tired. Gallopy, Gallopy, two miles from their venue the carriage tilts over. Disaster! (Pesky carriages). They are obliged to walk to Park. Dress ruined, exhausted. DOA furious, simply furious, Teddy-bear (Dear, Dear boy) could have been seriously hurt.
Jaberwocky sleeps for nine hours and on waking discovers it’s party time. NO DRESS! Mrs Danvers, a kindly housekeeper, gives her one owned by the Countess of Something and our heroine sweeps down the ornate staircase looking like a goddess newly delivered by the sea (but not, one hopes, smelling of fish). She discovers a rich nobleman – Mr Darcy - gazing up at her in raptures at the foot of stairs. DOA is gazing at Mr Darcy. What a figure, what grace, what teeth, what cravat! what glorious sea-blue (at last!) pantaloons. Even the very carpet he stands on is fabulous.
Jaberwocky runs away with Mr. Darcy. DOA hugs his teddy-bear – Dear, Dear boy. In an obscure corner of the room a strange rustic woman, Miss Elizabeth Bennet, is seen to sob.
THE END
For more romance, wordplay, comedy, love and aristocratic settings to get us through the duration why not try the following?
· Brideshead Revisited – by Evelyn Waugh
· Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
· Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
· Alice Through the Looking Glass – Lewis Carroll
Keep well and stay safe x
Review by Sarah Keen
www.enchantedengland.co.uk